Bullying Behavior

It is critical that you talk to your child as soon as you learn that they have bullied another child. Doing so demonstrates not only that you are aware of the situation, but also that bullying is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Be sure to stay calm, avoid any shameful language, and show your concern. Make it clear they will be disciplined for their choices.

In order to develop the correct plan of discipline for your child, you need to find out why your child chose to bully another child. For example, if your child bullied other kids because they want to be popular or to be part of a clique, then you will need to address the importance of healthy friendships and resisting peer pressure. Remember, do not give your child an excuse for their behavior.

Your child needs to recognize that no matter the reason behind their bullying behavior, bullying was a choice they made and they are responsible for their actions. Be sure that your child owns their choice and accepts responsibility. Continue discussing the situation until your child can tell you that they understand their responsibility.

Every bullying situation is different and as a result, the consequences will be different. For example, if your child was using their computer or cell phone to cyberbully others, then a logical consequence would be a loss of computer privileges and cell phone use. Likewise, if your child used their status on the cheerleading squad to bully others or bullied others because they are part of a clique, then they should lose that status for a period of time.

Losing privileges is a popular form of discipline and is usually very effective. For example, you can take away electronics, the privilege of attending parties or special events, social media use, and even the ability to stay home alone. Be sure that once you take something away that you do not give in later. Be clear on the length of time that the privilege will be revoked.

When you partner with your child’s school and support their discipline plan, you are allowing your child to learn a valuable life lesson. It shows them that there are consequences for bad choices and Mom or Dad will not rescue them. The worst decision you could make is to enable their bad decisions by attempting to rescue them from the pain of consequences.

Pay attention to the details of your child’s bullying behavior. Are there skills your child is lacking that may prevent future bullying incidents like anger management and impulse control? Or, is your child bullying to fit in or to get attention? If so, this could be a self-esteem issue. Help your child see their value and worth outside of what peers have to say.

Shaming your child is a form of bullying and should not be used to discipline. An example of this is posting an embarrassing photo of a child on social media with a details of their situation. Children that witness their parents engaging in shaming learn that it is acceptable to embarrass or humiliate others.

Be sure your child takes the time to really think about how they would feel if they were the one being bullied. When kids learn to see things from a different perspective, they are less likely to bully again in the future. In fact, raising your child’s emotional intelligence and instilling empathy goes a long way in preventing bullying.